I have been searching for answers too and here's what I got.
I have a 3360 on Rogers AT&T canada network. After getting the same answer that you got (not good enough for me)I decided to pick a few brains of senior tech staff. FINALLY got told that the IR Modem link is disabled at the Nokia factory as per AT&T Canada's request.
For some reason, they don't want people sending data over their data ready network.
I have sent requests to Nokia Developer network staff who are apparently working on a solution, heres one, what's the reactivation code ?!?
I think if we get enough pissed off Nokia owners we can push AT&T Canada to reestablish this link. Oh yes, they say that they never advertised the 3360 as a wireless modem, I bought mine last Christmas via an AT&T ad that said "Wireless modem connection" as a main selling feature.
Lying bastards sound like they're trying to avoid a whole lot of lawsuits.